Checking in to see how you’re doing and sharing a bit about how I felt yesterday.
This week is all coaching calls for me, so I didn’t even ‘tune into the news’ (i.e. check Instagram) until later in the day.
Once I did, I saw SO much celebrating over the news that George Floyd’s murderer had been charged on all three counts.
I thought I’d also feel that sense of joy, but instead I started crying into my salad — it was a bizarre experience.
When I asked myself ‘how are you feeling? WHAT are you feeling?’ this is what I wrote.
Triggered & Traumatized.
I didn’t realize how much.
Until witnessing all of these celebrations.
I wish I felt the same elation.
In the place of happiness, I see how scared we ALL were.
How much we ALL were holding our breath.
Knowing the outcome could have ‘gone either way’
Gone either way? How?
that cop was/is clearly Guilty Guilty Guilty
Murdering a man in the most inhumane of ways. Period.
Yet, now, like before, it’s clear just how unsafe we are.
How uncared for.
Because it could have ‘gone either way’
So We Celebrate.
Because with this roll of the dice, THIS verdict was ‘favorable’(?)
This case. Of a man whose name we know (there are so many we don’t)
This case. Of a man Who Should Be Alive. (so is *this* even justice?)
And what took so long in every sense of the idea?
Has there been any change in the System that perpetuates this fear?
That’s why WE walk around knowing
The System isn’t here to protect us.
So living, breathing, existing. Is a roll of the dice.
And each day, we live Knowing,
especially when it comes to the police
For us, any day, ‘it could go either way’
And my experience is just one. So many folks are feeling SO many things and I just want to acknowledge your feelings, whatever they may be. Whether you’re feeling thrilled, sad, motivated, angry, exhausted, on fire, deflated or something else or all of those things at once, just know I see you, I understand and It’s Okay.
These are trying times we’re living in.
These are crazy times we’re living in.
These are also inspiring times we’re living in.
These are also times of change we’re living in.
All at once.
So, I don’t have answers today. Just shared lived experiences. Which is the connective tissue of humankind.
Here WITH you and thinking of you and sending lots of love your way,