Now that you know the difference between Life Purpose & Life Goals we need to talk about whether you accept it or not. What I mean is, some people think that they just have to know the rules of the game and they are ready to play. However, in the game of Life, sometimes there are elements at work that are holding us back, more than realize.
Let’s say for example, after taking a couple of online quizzes you determine that one of your life goals is to be a professional blogger. Now you know what you want to, but do you accept it? Do you find yourself energized and going after your goal no matter what comes in your way or do you find yourself making excuses? Do you almost immediately start creating a laundry list of why you can’t? I’m too old, I don’t have enough experience, it’s too hard to break into that industry… etc. etc. etc.
Some people call that being realistic, but what I call is it admitting doubt and defeat before you even get started. It’s important to identify when these thoughts arrive, because when you find yourself saying “I Can’t” you are identifying the exact point in your awareness where you are experiencing resistance.
The Power of Words
First, I want to talk briefly about the power of words. This topic alone could be it’s own blog post. For our purpose today however, I just want to identify that fact that our words do indeed possess power. In the Bible, Proverbs 18:21 tells us “Death and life are in the power of the tongue”, Buddha said “Words have the power to both destroy and heal”, even poet Ella Wheeler Wilcox said “Talk happiness; talk faith; talk health. Say you are well, and all is well with you, and God shall hear your words and make them true.” Our words have power and they frame our reality. What and how we speak over our situation is going to be the result we see. So when you have a goal that you are working towards be aware of the words you choose. Is it that you really can’t do what you are setting out to do or is it something else?
Attitude is Everything
Just keep in mind that attitude is everything.
Your perspective and how you approach any obstacle
will determine your rate of success more than anything.
You Can’t or You Won’t?
For those of you who are into self-help and motivation, you know all about how you’re not supposed to use the word “Can’t”, right? “Whether you think you can or can’t, you are right”, is the famous quote by Henry Ford. The sentiment is absolutely true about how the word “can’t” functions in our lives. We all agree that “can’t” has a way of sucking the energy and power out of a circumstance, however “can’t” also has a hidden meaning as well. I learned this idea from a professor in college and lately I have heard professional motivators talk about this as well. The idea that a lot of times in life when we say “I Can’t” what we really mean is “I Won’t”. My first reaction when I heard that was to be defensive and you might be experiencing the same feelings but let’s break it down to better understand the dynamics of these words.
What’s up with that!?
There are several elements at play when we talk about Can’t vs Won’t. We are able to identify where our fear lies and how to turn that into Power. We can see where it is in our journey were lack vision or ideas and we are able to get honest with ourselves and force ourselves out our comfort zone. Those are a lot of elements to think about, so let’s unpack these ideas a bit below.
1. Fear vs. Power
When we are going after our goals and we find ourselves saying, well “I can’t do that”, what is happening a lot of times is that we are scared. We are expressing fear and uncertainty. Let’s use the example of our professional blogger. Let’s say she has been plugging away at her business plan and she comes to the task of emailing family members about her new venture. She says to herself “I can’t do that, I graduated at the top of my class and now I have to tell my family I want to be a blogger?! What are they going to think of me?”
By saying she can’t execute the action item of emailing her family, she has taken all power away from her ability. We can see clearly though that it’s not that she can’t it’s just that she’s scared. The reason this is harmful is because instead of saying she is scared she is saying she is not able and that simply is not true.
How do you get your power back?
Replace “I can’t” with “I won’t” and observe the shift in energy. If she says “I won’t contact my family…” that is completely different vibe. By saying “I won’t” our blogger takes her power back in the situation. Now if you’re thinking, man but I “won’t” sounds too absolute, too defiant, then you are on the right track. That is actually a good thing, because you now have a choice in the matter. If you exchange your “can’t” for “won’t” and can live with that statement, then you are at least coming from a place of power. If you don’t agree with your “won’t” statement, change your “won’t” to “will” and start conquering your goals.
What that means is: “I can’t email my family…” becomes “I won’t email my family…” and if that is not what she wants her reality to be she can say “I will email my family…” Now she is in a place of power, and can see clearly where she can take action to continue making her dream come into fruition. It’s important that we feel in harmony with the statements we are declaring over our lives. This exercise allows us to be consistent with our thoughts, actions and desires.
2. Lack of Vision or Ideas
If you are really thinking, “I would, but I can’t”, It could be a lack of vision or ideas. A great way to break through this creative block is to use the “T Technique”. Don’t forget when approaching your goals you have to be dealing in the realm of Possibility. Think outside of the box and leave no stone unturned. If our blogger continues to say “I can’t” at every new task, it really could be a problem that she just “won’t” open her mind to all of the possibilities that are out there. Again, once you can get into the awareness that it’s you and you alone blocking your success and advancement towards your goals you will be that much more likely to get over that and start walking in your Destiny.
3. Get Honest
This idea helps you get honest. If our blogger says “I can’t work odd jobs to raise money while I build my business”, to identify what is really going on we first have to change “can’t” to “won’t” to get in a place of power. So now she says “I won’t work odd jobs to raise money while I build my businees.”. Way different energy, right? Now, our blogger can be honest with herself. Maybe she just doesn’t want to work odd jobs. She won’t because she doesn’t feel like it or because it sounds like too much effort. That’s fine. It’s her dream, she can go after it anyway she wants. At least now she has been honest with herself and again is in a power position of knowing the truth. She’s not making money in the meantime, not because of an economic crisis, not because of discrimination and not because of her religious beliefs, it’s because she has chosen not to do it.
4. Comfort Zone
For me this technique works because it bumps me right out of my comfort zone. When I find myself saying “I can’t”, I always ask myself, “you can’t or your won’t?”. It’s an immediate challenge and way to wake yourself up and get that extra boost you need. Your Dreams should be taken seriously and if you’re taking the road less traveled by, there may not be a lot of living examples that have done what you are attempting to do. Get out of your comfort zone and start taking action. As you move throughout your day and find your self saying you “can’t”, switch it to “I won’t”, if that statement just doesn’t hold true for you say “I will” and watch your dreams become reality.
I really hope today’s post will help you breakthrough your thoughts of doubt and defeat so you can start walking in your Destiny. Where in your life can you change your “can’t” to “won’t”? In what area of your life can you start saying “I will!”. Let me know in the comments below.